Tired of being a nice guy?

My client was on a rant - his article was due in two days and he was blocked. Worse, his editor, a woman, was calling him every few hours to see check in and suggest some changes. Each time he would stop and listen, and then try to weave her suggestions into his writing - and it just wasn't working. His creativity was stifled and he was starting to question his competence. Plus he was becoming increasingly anxious that he wouldn't make the deadline - which of course, made him feel even more stuck.

"I'm trying to be a nice guy here, and I just want to tell her to shut up and leave me alone!" I asked him "What would be the worst thing that might happen if you did just that?" and he was stunned. He realized that he's always trying to please everyone else, and losing himself in the process. "Oh," he said, "the worst thing that might happen is that she feels hurt, and gives the job to someone else. The best thing that might happen is that she stop calling me and I can focus and do a great piece of writing!"

Men are you tired of being nice guys? You do your best to be polite, patient, listen, and accommodate the women in your life. Just when you think you've got it right, they change your mind and go in a totally different direction. Grrrrrrr. 

Dr. Robert Glover has devoted his career as a psychotherapist to freeing men from what he was dubbed the "Nice Guy Syndrome"-trying too hard to please others while neglecting their own needs, thus causing unhappiness and resentfulness. In his book, No More Mr Nice Guy he says....

Nice Guys are concerned about looking good and doing it "right." ...... They avoid conflict like the plague and will go to great lengths to avoid upsetting anyone. In general, they are peaceful and generous, and especially concerned about pleasing women. They believe that if they are good, giving, and caring, they will in return be happy, loved, and fulfilled. When this life strategy fails to produce the desired results — as it often does — Nice Guys usually just try harder, doing more of the same, and they begin to feel frustrated, helpless and resentful. Eventually, they become anything but nice.

Can you see that when you try to be a nice guy, what you're really doing is seeking approval from someone else, and by default, disapproving of yourself? This creates a pattern of depending on others for something only you can give to yourself. How do you break that pattern? Here is a very simple technique I taught my client - and I'd like to share with you.

When you're feeling frustrated, insecure, or stuck, ask yourself "Am I disapproving of myself?" Hint: the honest answer will be "yes." Now ask yourself, "Can I let go of disapproving of myself just a little bit?" And answer "yes." Can I let go a little bit more, and a little bit more?" Keep asking the question and answering "yes" until you start to feel lighter, and a bit stronger inside yourself. 

And see..... from this place can you be a little nicer to yourself?!